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me - backstory - notes - dl


Wednesday, October 16, 2013

10:31 p.m.

Ok, so here's something else: when I go to my locker today after first period there's this note on there from the school office telling me that I have an appointment at noon with Constable Blair in his office, and what the fuck? So I spend all of second period in History freaking out about it, so much that I totally didn't notice when Rhiannon came in and I may have accidently dissed her because I think she was trying to make eye contact and say hi or whatever but I was just staring at my desk, my mind churning over and over about what I'm in trouble for, like is it for Saturday night and is he actually going to arrest me for driving high, and is that even possible like four days later, because statue of limitations, or something? And I can't concentrate on anything and now I'll never know the four main factors that led to confederation, and then the bell rings, and it's like tolling the hour of my execution, and Dave and Roger and Ben are heading over to the Happy Donut as usual, and they're like dude you coming?, and I'm like there's this thing I have to do, meet you there, and they're like whatever. So I go to Blair's office and the door is open and he's sitting there at his desk reading something and like scratching his douchey cop moustache, and I just stand there for a minute, thinking maybe I should just take off, but I'm way too passive to be a fugitive from the law, so I just knock on the door, and he looks up and is like, ah yes Robert, come in, so I do, and he's like have a seat, so I do, and he gets up and shuts the door, and then all of the sudden the room gets really small, and the white-washed cinder block walls look so institutional, and at the exact moment the door clicks shut I look at the wall and there's this poster of some dude's hands in handcuffs with the flashing lights of a cruiser in the background, and a caption that's like Impaired driving ... you could lose more than your life, and I almost puke right then and there all over Blair's desk, and this is totally not how I imagined the way I would handle the cops in all the little fantasies I've played in my mind, where I'm all cool and politely sarcastic and in control, because they know that I know that they aint got nothing on me, so either charge me or let me go, but instead of all that I just sit there staring at the poster and trying not to cry, until I start thinking it doesn't really make sense, because how exactly can you lose more than your life? Then Blair's sitting back down behind his desk, so I make a supreme effort to get my shit together and play it off legit, and he's like so, I thought we should have a little chat, and I'm wondering if maybe I should ask to see a lawyer, or like my mom or something, but I just say ok, and then he's like one of my jobs as the LaSalle Liaison Officer is to make sure kids are on the right track, that they don't start going down the wrong path, you understand? , and I totally don't, because are we still on the path now or on the track, but aloud I just say ok again. He looks down at the open folder I see now on his desk, and he's like I see here you're doing pretty good, you get good grades, and that's real, uh, good, and it occurs to me that maybe I'm not the only nervous one in this conversation, or whatever the fuck it is we're doing here, because Blair is keeping his eyes down and pretending to read what's in my file (and I have a file now?), like he's buying time while trying to think about what to say next, and I can see a thin line of sweat has formed on his forehead, and he's like but here's the thing, still looking down, but he doesn't complete the sentence, and his mustache stroking has become kind of mechanical and compulsive, and he starts again but here's the thing, sometimes a kid can be doing real good in school [and I guess that should be "real well", because I learned that one in like grade four, but it's not like I'm going to interrupt] but they can get in with the wrong people and get off track, and that's what we need to make sure doesn't happen with you, and I'm wondering if this is something he does with everyone who gets good grades, or a personal service just for me, but I just sit their nodding like an idiot as if it all makes perfect sense. And he's like, for example, I understand you hang out with David Matias, now is that someone who you really think is going to be a good influence , and I'm thinking seriously, Dave?, the guy who probably has the least amount of influence on anybody, who's just happy to be invited along, and sure he might score some weed for you but really he's just doing you a favour? So I rack my brain for what we might be talking about here, and I remember Roger telling me once that when he and Dave were in grade eight and went to Holy Name Catholic School Dave drew a pentagon with lighter fluid on the gym floor and lit it on fire and after the janitor sprayed it out with the fire extinguisher it left a black smudgy satantic mess all over the parquet and he got suspended for like two weeks, and I think he had to get counselling or something, but I don't think he got arrested or charged or anything, and anyway I'm pretty sure it was Roger who put him up to it. But I'm just like um ..., and then Blair is like and what about Ms. Hunter? And there's something about the way he says it, something a little too casual but also a little too quick, but this time I have no idea who he's talking about, so I just sit staring blankly at him, and there's this awkward silence, and he's kind of getting nervous again, like he also is trying to play it off legit but realizes he has failed and that I'm on to him, except I totally am not, so then quickly he's like I was very disappointed to find you Saturday night at that illegal party, and then there's a dull thud as I clue in and realize he's talking about Rhiannon, and her last name must be Hunter, which as I stop to think about it is kind of an awesome name, but then Blair's like so what is the nature of your relationship with Ms. Hunter, and I'm like nature of our relationship? And then we both sit there staring at each other, until finally he's like Anyway, the point is that you need to consider who is going to help you stay on the right track and who is going to be a more negative influence, understand? And I'm just like yeah, totally, because what else am I supposed to say? And then he stands up and opens the door and is like ok, remember what I said now, and just like back at the cul de sac I wonder if this is some kind of trick, but once again I have no choice but to follow directions and I just squeeze around him out the door, trying not to make eye contact, and then I walk down the hallway and out the front door of the school and down the driveway and across the highway and over to the mini-mall, and then into Happy Donut, where I get a coffee and I sit down at the booth with Roger and Dave and Ben, and I bum a smoke of Roger, and as I'm lighting it I notice my hand shaking a little, and hopefully nobody else did? And then Roger's like dude, where were you, and I say something about returning a book to the library, because I don't know why but I feel like the whole thing with Blair should not be discussed, and maybe if we don't talk about I don't have to think about it and then I can pretend like it never happened. But here I am telling you all about it, so whatever.

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